The tide brought good news, a message from the gods in the guise of a
beautiful shining girl. When my eyes saw her in the multitude of crowds,
recognized her instantly. I felt both supremely elated and a bit frightened
the beautiful intensity of her dark mysterious eyes.
Her hand brushed up accidentally against mine. Already I felt lost and
enveloped in the future embrace of her arms and the soft kiss on my
>From now on, the lips wordlessly replied, you will see with different eyes;
will understand a secret that has been kept from you all those lonesome
Open them and look at me with renewed hope and tenderness. All the past
failures and miseries will dissolve and fall to the ground like dead
“You found me in the midst of confusion.”
The breeze gently swayed around her hair; my hand pushed aside a few
strains of stubborn stray hair out of her radiant face.
“You know it wasn’t an easy decision... for me,” she spoke softly.
I nodded wordlessly, overcome with emotion. It would be more difficult for
I thought. And all this time, all my thoughts will be with you.
“What if...” I commenced a sentence of wondrous possibilities that was
left hanging in the air, unfinished, quivering.
“We can’t think about that now. It’s important to be patient, to wait
and see...That was what you said, no?”
Those had been my words, yes. We always speak wise words before an
impending catastrophe; wise words to protect us from eventual possible
disaster. Wait and see...
The roses had closed to survive the winter months. Idle snowflakes
sought refuge on her hair, her cheeks, her winter coat, soft warm mittens.
hands were freezing and I put them in my pockets.
“So you’re going to miss me....at least a little bit?”
“From here to the North Pole, where penguins reside.” I looked her in
the eyes. “And you?”
“Will you miss me?” I asked her.
She nodded with her serious, misty eyes. “Don’t look so sad....I don’t
want to leave you like this....with your sad puppy look.”
I could not help it; I must have looked miserable. I tried to put on the
best smile I could under those circumstances. It must have looked pathetic.
Once I loved a young girl whom I met at the Aquarium. Her hand had
accidentally brushed against mine. She was a friend of a friend. I do not
believe in love at first sight, but whatever had been created the moment
first saw her grew past and beyond the limits of affection. She was the
I used to hum to myself whenever I felt lonely and sad.
I guess she was attracted to me. Her definition of love was different
than mine. She had left behind her country and her ex-boyfriend. And now
was returning to both.
“It’s not the end of the world. I really loved the time we spent
together...we had been great together, no? We have spent great times
together...And you knew it had to happen some day...We cannot escape
We cannot escape these things. The claws of her once-upon-a-time lover
of a period of years had left deep scars on her body and mind. And the
lawless jungle and hot tropical weather of her Latin country incited her
escape the cold wilderness of Canada. It was time to depart and to make
things new. We cannot escape these things.
But. Yes we can....We can....if we choose to, if we make sacrifices...I
mean, call me crazy if you will, or an incurable romantic...I mean look
me...hell...I’m not sure of anything...I doubt everything....I don’t know
I will be doing with my life....I don’t even know what I will do tomorrow or
ten minutes from now after you have walked through this gate....this gate
I hate so much because it is taking you away from me....far away....
I know exactly what will happen despite of my illusions....I will be
restless...I will be walking around in circles like a madman...and people
be scared of me...or astonished about this weird person....you know me...I
less mysterious to you than to all those other people....though I have
myself like petals …
and I gave you my heart.....you open myself….I believe in
re-incarnations and I think we have met before, not once or twice but that
are continually meeting each other.....life after life....an endless cycle
sadness and separation....but I want to end it...end it now....this awful
cycle…I don’t want you to go...I want you to stay...here... right beside
I have never said this to anyone but I will say it to you...here...right
now....these trees my witness....they will confess that they wish they
clouds so that they could roam to their beloved...that they could follow
heart’s desire ...their dream of togetherness...but in the end...it
depends...it all depends...Well...I will let you go because I have
These were the words I wanted to address to her. But no words came out;
they were stuck in my throat; they refused; they turned into an obscure
cough. I was afraid of losing her before letting her know all these
What if she misunderstood?
And if she took me for a complete fool or someone to kill time with
during her study period? What if it didn’t matter, in the end, what I felt
how I felt about her? And if her selfishness divided us from each other,
she would pursue her plans and goals...in his arms....under his eyes where
would avow pledges and make promises …for him … his ears only. That
troubled me and throbbed through my veins like poison. Nothing is more
devastating than seeing the one you love in the arms of another....
We stood there in awkward silence, both lost in the train of our
thoughts. Each of us had parallel dreams that lived side by side, not
The moment to part was coming closer. Time was running out on us. I hated
with his arrogance; I hated his indifference to us. In an instant, all the
moments with her flashed through my mind.
Her childish laughter and her sudden seriousness. When her eyes were
laughing with joy that night when we drank wine together and she confessed
me that our feelings were mutual. Promises that were spoken and unspoken.
night when our greatest fear was that happiness will not last and we will
to part one day because the past will run over the present and leave
We hugged, and she cried silently on my shoulder. Every departure is a
little bit like death. But it was not death that parted us; it was life
“I don’t want you to go,” I whispered into her ear.
“I have to...I want to...You know that.”
That moment I pictured us on Jupiter, walking slowly, with a dignified
slow pace down an aisle with hundreds of friends and relatives showering
with flowers and wishing us eternal happiness with tears in their eyes.
was not just the coming together of two lonely souls; it was a symbol of
and what can be accomplished on this earth if one poured one’s heart and
into it. Her arm was gently and comfortably entwined in mine, and her face
radiating a warm happy glow. We did not need to look at each other because
knew exactly how the other felt. Overwhelmed with all this, we felt
at home. These glimpses of a possible future, a lifelong pursuit, warmed
heart and gave me hope in the midst of utter despair and confusion.
We stood there for a long, long time, defying the laws of time and
gravity. People were rushing around us, past us, with their suitcases and
luggage in hand, their boarding passes and their indicated destinations.
had places to go, businesses to attend to; they were looking for warmth
I had to let her go, gave her a hurried kiss, and turned around slowly,
slowly detaching myself from her eyes; she waved gently. With that image in
head, I walked away from her, with the faint hope that she would maybe call
All rights belong to its author. It was published on e-Stories.org by demand of Arash Farzaneh.
Published on e-Stories.org on 29.07.2008.